To My Son...

Dear my beautiful first born son,

I hope you know how happy these 11 years have made me.  You have a smile that shines brighter than the sun.  You have an infectious laugh that makes everyone around you laugh and smile.  You have always been a happy child, who always wanted to make others laugh.  You have a true heart that cares for others in ways that most children today don't think to do in today's world.  Your heart hurts when you see others that are hurting.  You show compassion that most adults do not have.  You love with all your heart and that makes me a proud momma.  I love that you still love your stuffed animal (Hippo) and blanket; and still sleep with it 11 years later.  You are so incredible in every way.

I have enjoyed watching you grow and help mold you to be the person you are today.  I have been able to spend your school days with you while watching you grow up.  I am such a lucky mom being able to see you everyday and I love that you still want to come give me a hug and kiss every time you see me.  I pray that doesn't ever stop!  I love that you still will come let me hold you when you know I need some loving or just to let me love on you a little while longer.  I can't believe the young man you are turning into. 

In 3 more days you will be moving from the 5th grade and no longer in a school where I can walk by you and check on you.  You will be in a place out of my reach and my eyes, where I can no longer protect you and make sure you are always making the right choices, because you are a teacher's kid, and you must always do the right thing, right? 

There comes a time that we have to let you go, just a little bit, to grow and experience life and spread your wings.  Though not too far, but just enough to let you know that I can't be there to guide you in the right direction, and I can't be there to make sure you are making the right choices and paying attention in class and choosing the right friends.  Middle school is a time for you to grow some wings and be the young man that God wants you to be.  We know you will make mistakes, but we pray that you will learn from those mistakes and they guide you to be someone that will make us proud.

You have grown up right before our eyes.  You were just a baby yesterday, and now today you are leaving the place where I know I can always keep you safe and there are eyes on you all the time that will tell me if you weren't behaving the way you should, or the friends you were picking were probably not the best ones to choose at the time.  You are moving to middle school where that time will fly, as well.  Then you will move on to high school, which I am not ready to think about it, just yet.

My son, I write this for you to know that you have your whole future before you and I want you to grab the world with both hands and run with it!  Take advantage of what is right before you.  You will make stupid mistakes and do stupid things, but your daddy and I will never stop loving you and I will never stop being your mom.  I pray that your father and I raised you the right way and continue to be this kind hearted and Godly young man.  I pray that you will continue to find friends that have the same values as you, and not just try to fit in with what you think is cool.  I don't ever want you to stop being you for someone else.  Don't ever stop standing up for what you think is right! 

As hard as it is for me to think of you leaving elementary school and moving into middle school, I just wanted to let you know I love you more than you will ever know and I am so proud of you.  You will take a piece of my heart when you walk out those doors for the last time as a 5th grader on Friday, but you make this mommy proud of the young man you are becoming.  I wish you the best in life and may your life always be blessed and full of love and happiness.  You are my world.  I love you to the moon and back!  In my eyes, you will always be that sweet, curly headed boy carrying around your hippo and blue blankets.  You will always be my baby.

Here's to all the momma's trying to keep it together on the last day of school, whether it be middle school, high school or college.  Our hearts beam with pride with their successes, but it makes us sad to see the door we used to have right before us close, only to have another one open right before them.  I will try to keep it together as I try to teach my 2nd graders and watch my first born walk out the doors of our school as a middle-schooler.

The New SCHOOL Year

Wow!  I can't believe that I haven't been keeping up with my blog like I thought I would... I think I seriously got writers block because I didn't know what to write... well, now that school is back in session, I don't know where I will find the time for blogging, BUT I am finding that it is making a much better teacher!  Go figure???  I never knew that so many people are sharing their great ideas on these blogging sites... seriously... I wish I had known about this stuff before!

Another great site that I got started in this summer was Pinterest.  I really don't know what it means to like or repin, or make a board or post pictures for that matter... but hey, I am getting some fantastic ideas for not only my classroom, but my life as well!  I LOVE it!  If you haven't checked it out, go take a look!  Who thinks of this stuff? 

Well, school has already been in session for 6 weeks.  It is hard to believe that my first quarter is almost over.  This year is hectic to say the least and I feel like I cannot keep my head above water for some reason.  I have a great little class, but I feel like I am not getting time to really get to know them this year.  That makes me sad because while I am away from my kiddos... I love spending time and getting to know my "other" children.  I think it will get easier... I was at my school until 8pm tonight and feel a little better about this week.  I will let you know when this week is over!  Oh yeah, let's not forget that both of my own kiddos start their baseball and tee-ball games this week, on the same nights and same time... How am I going to do that????  YIKES!  

We are giving the CoGat? test this week to second grade.  I am not sure why, but hey, my kids get to listen to my voice for an hour straight... at least it isn't as long as the CRCT and I don't have to read for 3 hours straight!  It is going to be a great week and my awesome kiddos will do fantastic!

I have come to the conclusion that I just have to stay positive with school and life!  I will not always leave every morning with my beds all made and dishes put away nor will I leave every day with a clean desk (though that is my NEW goal this year, and I have have been doing fairly well!)  But... I am giving it my all and doing the best that I can and know how!  I have learned that no matter how long I have been teaching, it does NOT get any easier... I guess that is a good thing, because I think I would become bored if I didn't have a challenge.  I am excited with the fun ideas that I have found via bloggers and Pinterest, so I cannot wait to give them a try with my kids... Now all I have to do is find the time to fit it in the curriculum! 

If I knew how to attach pictures and make my site cute like the others I would totally do it, but until then, you will have to settle for this!

I will try to not be gone too long this time!

2 Weeks...

I can't believe the summer is almost over and it feels like it just began yesterday!  This summer has been filled with a lot of fun and laughter.  I hate that it has been so hot that we haven't even been swimming in a week! (Plus Will has a bad case of swimmers ear, so that has been rough!)  We spent a week at the lake and I can't begin to tell you how relaxing and wonderful that was.  The kids found so much to do outside with no TV and no fighting.  They got along so well and I was able to sit and read a book while they dug in the dirt looking for bugs.

During the summer, time is something that I don't follow.  Half the time I can't tell you what day it is, let alone the date.  I was looking at the calendar and realized I have only 2 weeks before I have to go back to school.  I have been so excited for the last week in July, because we are going to the beach, but then I have to go back to work after that.  I hate that we have to start back so early.  I love spending time with my babies and I hate when they go back to school... I always get sad when summer comes to an end because I feel like they are growing up so fast and starting a new year.  My babies are growing up too fast!

On the last note, I found Will's school picture from Pre-K and realized that it is going to be Ava in Pre-K this year!  Let me tell you, I wasn't ready for that!  I think of Ava as my baby and not ready for BIG girl school!  Will seemed so much older and ready for school when he was starting Pre-K... I just can't imagine Ava being old enough for that!  I think I have had held on to the fact that she is my baby and I am not going to have anymore babies... that is a sad thought, but happy too.  We have our family and I can't imagine going through that baby phase again.  But it is still so sad to see how fast they grow up!  I just wish time would slow down and I wish I could remember each stage more clearly.  I think that is why I love taking pictures so much... to remember all the wonderful times with them and freezing time.  Oh well, I have to face the facts... we are all getting older and growing up. 

I am done on here and now I am going to go spend as much time with my kiddos as I can... after I clean the house though!!!  I hope all my teacher friends are enjoying their last 2 weeks as well!  This year has got to be better than last year!!!!!  I am staying positive on that part!  I always get excited about the beginning of the year, but it is bitter sweet!

Life...

The day my son was born was a day I will never forget.  The love that I had for him while growing inside me was incredible, until he was placed on my stomach and I heard that first cry.  I will never forget the feeling of my heart exploding with love inside my chest.  No one can experience the love of a mother until you have your child placed in your arms.  That first night I was exhausted and fasinasted all at the same time.  Chad was there as the Proud Papa and I remember holding this small, beautiful being and thanking God for this wonderful gift.  Then came the time to go to sleep... I remember laying there while both child and daddy slept.  I remember a feeling of fear come over me so deep that I couldn't sleep.  I didn't sleep for the whole time I was in the hospital unless someone else was awake watching or holding my babies.  That was the only time I slept, because the fear was too strong of losing my babies.  I think I watched one too many Lifetime movies where people came in the hospital and stole your baby.  I remember watching the story about Adam when I was younger and ever since then, it is has lived with me.  I have had a fear since day one of someone taking my babies and it lives with me everyday.  I can't imagine a house where my children aren't right across the hallway and I know where they are all the time.  It has gotten a little better over the years, but I still don't let them go far without me watching them.  I try to tell my VERY friendly children that there are people out there that aren't nice to little kids.  Without trying to instill my fear in them, I try to make them aware. 

Where is this coming from, you ask?  I finally watching the Jaycee Dugard story with Diane Sawyer and I just cried through the whole show.  Not just a few tears, but deep, can't control your breath sobbing.  Then I sat there afterwards in a state of shock for knowing what this innocent little girl went through for 18 years, and I cried more.  I just cannot imagine.  Then I thought of her mother who lost 18 years with her daughter and can never get that back.  How can you forgive a person for that?  She still has so much hate in her heart, which I can totally understand!  Then here is Jaycee... she is a very positive, caring person with no hate at all towards the people that hurt her for so many years.  "It is what it is," her words... Amazing!!!

The way the mother cared and loved for her daughter never wavered, only got stronger... no words can ever explain a mother's love.

Jaycee's story has left such an impact on my life because I remember when I was younger the story of her missing, but to finally have some closure on the whole thing is amazing, not for me, but for the mother and Jaycee.  I can't imagine, as a mother, to live with the fact of not knowing what or where your child is for so long is just unimaginable.  Jaycee turned out to be a very beautiful young lady and seems like someone I could call a friend.  I will pray for her tonight and her family, and thank God that he reunited her with her family.  What a miracle!  I am so happy for her to have her life back again and that the state helped her financially (but money can never give back her life as a child) and she has her mom back.

We take so much for granted every day.  We take our kids for granted, our lives for granted, our health, the money in our bank account or lack there of, we want bigger homes, more friends, more this and more that.... in the end, none of that really matters.  What matters is that you have love in your heart and to thank God for all the blessings in your life, even when it seems like there aren't any blessing there to see.  I don't care about having the biggest or best new thing out there.  I don't care what people think of me.  The only thing I want to make sure of is that both Will and Ava know that I love them with all my heart and I will give my life for them to live happily and healthy for a long, long time.  I want my husband to know how much he is my world and I can't imagine a day without them in it. 

I know I complain about not having enough, or big enough, or whatever... I need to get back to reality and the things that really matter, my beautiful and perfect family.  (It may not look perfect to you, but to me it is totally perfect and wonderful!)

This is a sappy blog, but sitting here still with tears running down my face and emotions running strong, and the thought of little Brody fighting for his life tonight... I just want to hug and kiss my babies extra tight and thank God for what I have right now... because we are not guaranteed tomorrow.  I just hope and pray that God blesses us with tomorrow and our health and love in our hearts and lives.

Pictures...

Okay, so I am loving my new photography class that I am taking online.  I love the assignments that she is giving us and I love looking at other people's pictures to see their ideas.  The latest one is a picture of yourself.  I am really having a hard time being artistic with it... it is very hard to hold the camera and focus and try to get a good one of yourself.  I am usually the one behind the camera, not in front of it.  I was playing around yesterday trying to come up with some fun stuff.  It is always so much more fun taking pictures of my kids and nature that I find it hard to come up with ideas for myself.  Grrr... I am loving my camera and find that is it an extension of my arm.  I want to walk around everywhere with it and take pictures of random things I see.  Chad laughs at me because I want to take it everywhere... then when i don't have it, there is always an awesome picture taking moment!!!!  It just never fails!!  The only thing is that I can't walk with my kids and still carry this big camera.  Chad told me to sell my other Canon, but I just can't let it go.  It takes great pictures and is much smaller than my new one. So I figured I can keep both!

I am rambling now, but I am trying to come up with some neat ideas of doing a self-portrait... I will post some things that I have taken so far!  Being the teacher that I am, I would LOVE some feedback! 

Okay, so those are just a few...  I love the mosaic that I made too... those are fun! I will post what I have along the way and tell me if I should give up while I'm ahead!  ;)

Looking at the past...

Since Father's Day is coming up, I was going through all of my old photographs and trying to find a good one of my dad and me to put up on my facebook page.  I found a couple good ones, but realized that I didn't have nearly enough of just him and I!  I am going to have to fix that problem soon!

Along the way I totally got sidetrack and went down memory lane.  I realized that I really hate perms and so did my hair.  I found so many pictures with my crazy hair and can't imagine the amount of money spent on hair spray and ugly clothes.  As much as I love FULL hair, I am thankful we no longer dress or look like crazy people who stuck their fingers in light sockets...

Another thing I realized was that my mom's side of the family is like a country western song and completely crazy, but I love them all so much.  I come from a bunch of  beer drinking, bar fighting, redneck uncles and my beautiful aunts that helped tame these men along the way.  When I was younger I remember the fun they used to have and I couldn't wait to see what it was like to go out with these wild people.  They are no longer wild, but hard working people who work hard to provide for their families.  By the time I was old enough to legally go out, they were all past their "WILD" days and I found out that I probably couldn't hang with them anyway.  I am so proud to call these crazy people my family. 

Looking at the past is fun until you see someone who is no longer with you in a picture and it makes you sad because they should still be here with you.  I am one who doesn't like change and seeing all the changes through the years is not fun either.   I looked back at the pictures of my youth and realized Will is my twin and I wasn't ever fat, like I thought I was.  Oh, how I wish I could be that size again! I promise I will never complain about being fat again if I could just be that size!  It is amazing how we see ourselves when time passes... it is like looking through the eyes of another person. 

I am so glad that I have all these memories on paper and look forward to sharing them with my own children.  I love the fact that my mom was like me and loved to take pictures and "capture the moment" as much as I do. 

I will post the pictures later when I figure out how to use my scanner... but I found some of my dad and I remember loving that man something fierce.  I hope he knows how much I love him even more today and how happy I am to call him my dad.  We don't talk often enough for me, but he is in my thoughts daily.  I don't think he likes the phone, but when I hear his voice, it brightens my day.  I don't know what I did to be so blessed in life, but I pray it never ends.  

My dad and Will at 6 months.

June 2007

Another good one of my dad.

Will with his 2 favorite things... a Fire Truck and his Papa

My dad... I love that man so much!

Wishing you the best Father's Day EVER!!!

 I LOVE YOU!

Starting a new hobby...

Well, today is my first day working with a blog site.  I always used to feel that I was very technical and computer savy, but when it comes to this, I am beginning to wonder.  I don't really follow any other bloggers, except a few friends.  I don't really have a reason why I am doing this, maybe it seemed like a cool thing to do... my kids aren't changing as much as they used to, so blogging about them is always fun, but maybe boring to others.  Maybe I am trying to get back to writing that I used to enjoy doing so long ago... before the hectic days of kids and life.  I am excited to start this journey and see where it takes me.  I hope you don't get bored, because I am not sure what to expect one way or the other. 

So, the other "new" hobby that I am starting up again is photography.  Those of you who knew me back in the day, I always had a camera trying to always capture the moment.  I broke down and bought myself a new camera and I am so excited to see where it takes me, even if it is a million more pictures of my children growing right before my eyes.  I am trying to figure out Photoshop Elements on top of my new camera... but that is another story.  Any helpful hints you have to share about that, I would appreciate!

Hope you have a great day... I don't really know what I am doing with this, so it is going to be a work in progress until I understand how it all works!  The older I get, the dumber I feel... Let's hope I can change that quickly!