2 Weeks...

I can't believe the summer is almost over and it feels like it just began yesterday!  This summer has been filled with a lot of fun and laughter.  I hate that it has been so hot that we haven't even been swimming in a week! (Plus Will has a bad case of swimmers ear, so that has been rough!)  We spent a week at the lake and I can't begin to tell you how relaxing and wonderful that was.  The kids found so much to do outside with no TV and no fighting.  They got along so well and I was able to sit and read a book while they dug in the dirt looking for bugs.

During the summer, time is something that I don't follow.  Half the time I can't tell you what day it is, let alone the date.  I was looking at the calendar and realized I have only 2 weeks before I have to go back to school.  I have been so excited for the last week in July, because we are going to the beach, but then I have to go back to work after that.  I hate that we have to start back so early.  I love spending time with my babies and I hate when they go back to school... I always get sad when summer comes to an end because I feel like they are growing up so fast and starting a new year.  My babies are growing up too fast!

On the last note, I found Will's school picture from Pre-K and realized that it is going to be Ava in Pre-K this year!  Let me tell you, I wasn't ready for that!  I think of Ava as my baby and not ready for BIG girl school!  Will seemed so much older and ready for school when he was starting Pre-K... I just can't imagine Ava being old enough for that!  I think I have had held on to the fact that she is my baby and I am not going to have anymore babies... that is a sad thought, but happy too.  We have our family and I can't imagine going through that baby phase again.  But it is still so sad to see how fast they grow up!  I just wish time would slow down and I wish I could remember each stage more clearly.  I think that is why I love taking pictures so much... to remember all the wonderful times with them and freezing time.  Oh well, I have to face the facts... we are all getting older and growing up. 

I am done on here and now I am going to go spend as much time with my kiddos as I can... after I clean the house though!!!  I hope all my teacher friends are enjoying their last 2 weeks as well!  This year has got to be better than last year!!!!!  I am staying positive on that part!  I always get excited about the beginning of the year, but it is bitter sweet!

Life...

The day my son was born was a day I will never forget.  The love that I had for him while growing inside me was incredible, until he was placed on my stomach and I heard that first cry.  I will never forget the feeling of my heart exploding with love inside my chest.  No one can experience the love of a mother until you have your child placed in your arms.  That first night I was exhausted and fasinasted all at the same time.  Chad was there as the Proud Papa and I remember holding this small, beautiful being and thanking God for this wonderful gift.  Then came the time to go to sleep... I remember laying there while both child and daddy slept.  I remember a feeling of fear come over me so deep that I couldn't sleep.  I didn't sleep for the whole time I was in the hospital unless someone else was awake watching or holding my babies.  That was the only time I slept, because the fear was too strong of losing my babies.  I think I watched one too many Lifetime movies where people came in the hospital and stole your baby.  I remember watching the story about Adam when I was younger and ever since then, it is has lived with me.  I have had a fear since day one of someone taking my babies and it lives with me everyday.  I can't imagine a house where my children aren't right across the hallway and I know where they are all the time.  It has gotten a little better over the years, but I still don't let them go far without me watching them.  I try to tell my VERY friendly children that there are people out there that aren't nice to little kids.  Without trying to instill my fear in them, I try to make them aware. 

Where is this coming from, you ask?  I finally watching the Jaycee Dugard story with Diane Sawyer and I just cried through the whole show.  Not just a few tears, but deep, can't control your breath sobbing.  Then I sat there afterwards in a state of shock for knowing what this innocent little girl went through for 18 years, and I cried more.  I just cannot imagine.  Then I thought of her mother who lost 18 years with her daughter and can never get that back.  How can you forgive a person for that?  She still has so much hate in her heart, which I can totally understand!  Then here is Jaycee... she is a very positive, caring person with no hate at all towards the people that hurt her for so many years.  "It is what it is," her words... Amazing!!!

The way the mother cared and loved for her daughter never wavered, only got stronger... no words can ever explain a mother's love.

Jaycee's story has left such an impact on my life because I remember when I was younger the story of her missing, but to finally have some closure on the whole thing is amazing, not for me, but for the mother and Jaycee.  I can't imagine, as a mother, to live with the fact of not knowing what or where your child is for so long is just unimaginable.  Jaycee turned out to be a very beautiful young lady and seems like someone I could call a friend.  I will pray for her tonight and her family, and thank God that he reunited her with her family.  What a miracle!  I am so happy for her to have her life back again and that the state helped her financially (but money can never give back her life as a child) and she has her mom back.

We take so much for granted every day.  We take our kids for granted, our lives for granted, our health, the money in our bank account or lack there of, we want bigger homes, more friends, more this and more that.... in the end, none of that really matters.  What matters is that you have love in your heart and to thank God for all the blessings in your life, even when it seems like there aren't any blessing there to see.  I don't care about having the biggest or best new thing out there.  I don't care what people think of me.  The only thing I want to make sure of is that both Will and Ava know that I love them with all my heart and I will give my life for them to live happily and healthy for a long, long time.  I want my husband to know how much he is my world and I can't imagine a day without them in it. 

I know I complain about not having enough, or big enough, or whatever... I need to get back to reality and the things that really matter, my beautiful and perfect family.  (It may not look perfect to you, but to me it is totally perfect and wonderful!)

This is a sappy blog, but sitting here still with tears running down my face and emotions running strong, and the thought of little Brody fighting for his life tonight... I just want to hug and kiss my babies extra tight and thank God for what I have right now... because we are not guaranteed tomorrow.  I just hope and pray that God blesses us with tomorrow and our health and love in our hearts and lives.

Pictures...

Okay, so I am loving my new photography class that I am taking online.  I love the assignments that she is giving us and I love looking at other people's pictures to see their ideas.  The latest one is a picture of yourself.  I am really having a hard time being artistic with it... it is very hard to hold the camera and focus and try to get a good one of yourself.  I am usually the one behind the camera, not in front of it.  I was playing around yesterday trying to come up with some fun stuff.  It is always so much more fun taking pictures of my kids and nature that I find it hard to come up with ideas for myself.  Grrr... I am loving my camera and find that is it an extension of my arm.  I want to walk around everywhere with it and take pictures of random things I see.  Chad laughs at me because I want to take it everywhere... then when i don't have it, there is always an awesome picture taking moment!!!!  It just never fails!!  The only thing is that I can't walk with my kids and still carry this big camera.  Chad told me to sell my other Canon, but I just can't let it go.  It takes great pictures and is much smaller than my new one. So I figured I can keep both!

I am rambling now, but I am trying to come up with some neat ideas of doing a self-portrait... I will post some things that I have taken so far!  Being the teacher that I am, I would LOVE some feedback! 

Okay, so those are just a few...  I love the mosaic that I made too... those are fun! I will post what I have along the way and tell me if I should give up while I'm ahead!  ;)